Lauren Graham can vividly recall the first time she worked with an intimacy coordinator on-set.
The actress, who famously played Lorelai Gilmore in "Gilmore Girls," described the comical encounter in her new book, "Have I Told You This Already? Stories I Don’t Want to Forget to Remember." It’s a collection of essays in which the 55-year-old reflects on the "unspoken rules of Hollywood hierarchies" as she made her way from a waitress in New York City to a TV star.
Graham described how she had her "first encounter with an intimacy coordinator" in "The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers," which premiered in 2021. The Disney+ series stars Josh Duhamel and Emilio Estevez. When it came to filming a scripted kiss with Duhamel, 50, an intimacy coordinator was on hand to ensure everyone was at ease.
"It’s a family show, and our kiss was described as brief, we were standing up fully clothed and there wasn’t much more to it," Graham wrote. "But I felt kind of guilty that someone has been hired to help coordinate two adults in their 50s share a tongueless peck. So I asked the coordinator what her role on the other shows had been, hoping I’d find a problem I needed her expert help in solving. ‘I’m here to make you comfortable, and ensure there is consent.’ I cannot tell you how hard I had to bite back my nervous impulse to make a joke. ‘Consent? Have you seen Josh Duhamel? I’d happily…’ No no no we don’t say flippant things in delicate situations, my brain told me just in time.'"
"So instead, I said nothing and nodded my head a few times and wandered away and thus ended the coordination of my intimacy," Graham shared. "She carried a large bottle of Listerine with her all day with two little cups in separate baggies, which was a thoughtful touch."
Graham explained to Fox News Digital that early on in her career there were no intimacy coordinators on-site to ensure everyone was completely comfortable filming any kind of "intimacy," whether it was a simple smooch or a more risqué love scene.
"I’d never had one," she said. "We didn’t have them. It didn’t exist. Somebody would throw you a bathrobe after the director called ‘cut’ and you’d kind of scurry away… There was never a discussion of like, ‘OK… now you guys make out…’ There was no kind of helper there. No map. So it was actually not funny to me, but sort of funny to me that all the intimate scenes I’ve done in my career, this was very chased (sic) and we had somebody there to help us. I felt bad for her."
"I was like, ‘I wish there was more to [coordinate],’" she continued. "There wasn’t a lot of intimacy to coordinate. But [it] was just interesting to me that it took us this long to think, ‘Hey, this is super awkward and maybe we should offer a service.' Or maybe there’s a job to be created here to make this… it’s not only for the comfort of the actors, but it’s also for the telling of the story. You know, if you as a person are not feeling as awkward, you can be a better actor. So it’s just an interesting evolution that is very recent."
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According to SAG-AFTRA, an intimacy coordinator is "an advocate, a liaison between actors and production … in regard to nudity and simulated sex." Most of their work is done during the shoot as they choreograph intimate action, monitor closed sets and collaborate with the costume team on providing modesty garments and prosthetics, The Hollywood Reporter revealed. Coordinators are also involved with preproduction as they discuss with filmmakers what kind of exposure or touching will be permitted.
According to the outlet, HBO became the first network to commit to hiring intimacy coordinators amid the #MeToo movement. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Starz soon followed. The outlet noted that these types of coordinators have been part of live theater "for decades."
Graham recently told People magazine that writing the book was a good distraction after her 12-year relationship with actor Peter Krause ended in 2021. Graham told Fox News Digital that the biggest lesson she took away from the experience is "you don’t always grow together."
"I think it’s important in the beginning to just say what it is that you hope for, what you want, and that you have to go into everything with your whole heart," she said. "Even if it doesn’t work out."
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But not all memories were sad ones for Graham. In the book, she wrote about what it was like being roommates with Connie Britton before the women found fame.
"We just had so much fun," Graham said. "We were just idiots. We didn’t know anything about how hard this might be. We didn’t have any furniture. Each of us got a job here and there. But … we just had so much fun. We made Rice Krispies Treats. We each had crummy cars. We were just making friends. It was kind of an innocent time. We’d met in this acting class in New York and had no idea what Los Angeles was going to be like or if we would get anything at all. So, when jobs started to happen, it was just a true, joyous time of like, ‘Wow, we’re really getting to do this.’ It was all new beginnings."
"I was always so shocked to get a job that in some cases I didn’t consider if it was the right thing to do," she said. "I think when you’re starting out, it’s such a tricky balance between gratitude and standards. There was nothing I did that was bad, but I always was like, ‘Wow, really? Sure, I would love to do five lines in a tiny movie.’ I have learned [since then] it’s OK to say no."
Graham said she still has fond memories of filming "Gilmore Girls," a series she described as "a gift." The show premiered 22 years ago and has developed a loyal following.
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"I can remember filming the scene where Luke (Scott Patterson) sent Lorelai a thousand yellow daisies," she said about one of her favorite episodes to film. "… It’s just a moment where [there] was … no acting required. Just the sheer romance and … scale of that gesture from another character, but also the imagination of the writer who is making this beautiful statement. And then that show was just shot so beautifully. … It was just a special day."
Years after its initial run, Netflix launched a limited series titled "Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life" in 2016. Today, Graham said she’d be open to revisiting Stars Hollow.
"You know, I couldn’t have predicted it," she said. "What’s funny though is when we did the last one, I thought I won’t get asked anymore. You know, is there more? And I’m wrong. I was wrong. I always think you do what’s best for the show and for the characters. It is a dream job, one I would revisit any time. Is that the right thing to do? That’s not for me to say."
Graham said she hopes readers will be "entertained and encouraged" while reading her book.
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"It was so much fun to think about all the crazy jobs and all the terrible apartments I had," she said. "There were times I went home so tired, not knowing if any of it was going to get me to another place. I’m really proud of those struggles and … how I kept going."
