Three years before Christopher Ferguson allegedly killed three people in what appears to be a random home invasion in Newton, Massachusetts, he wrote about his struggles with bipolar disorder.
He compared his diagnosis to a game of "Pac-Man." He said he sees himself as the arcade character who disappears when it runs off the screen on either side and "for a split second … is off the screen entirely."
"Imagine depression on the left and mania on the right side of this centerline," Ferguson purportedly wrote in a 2020 Medium essay.
"When life has pushed me too far in either direction, typically when manic, there have been times that have created a temporary suspension of reality in which I have, for all intents and purposes, disappeared from this analogic video game screen, or in my estimation been psychotically G-O-N-E."
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It's unknown what – if any – specific event triggered a possible manic episode or if he had a mental breakdown before the alleged fatal confrontation with Gilda "Jill" D'Amore 73, and Bruno D'Amore, 74, and Jill's 97-year-old mother, Lucia Arpino, who were stabbed and beaten over the weekend.
His lawyer never mentioned a mental health diagnosis during Tuesday's arraignment, but Ferguson was like a real-life Pac-Man during his virtual court appearance via Zoom as he paced back and forth in the jail room while the prosecutor detailed the allegations.
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He frequently came in and out of view of the camera. At times, he stood against the far wall; other times, he stared straight into the camera through a glass window.
His lawyer, Dmitry Lev, said in a statement, "We express our deepest condolences to the D'Amore and Arpino families in the face of this unimaginable tragedy."
"However, it is important that this case proceeds in the court of law rather than in the court of public opinion. We respectfully request that the legal process be given the opportunity to unfold in due course as we navigate through the system."
Ferguson was a cashier in the Newtonville, Massachusetts, Whole Foods but "is no longer working here," a store official told Fox News Digital on Thursday but wouldn't say if Ferguson's non-employment status was before or after the alleged murders.
The store official referred further questions to the company's media team, which confirmed that Ferguson is no longer an employee, "But we're unable to provide any additional details."
Before his time at Whole Foods, Ferguson worked for Framingham Public Schools as a campus aide from Feb. 4, 2021, to March 7, 2023, "at which time he chose to resign," according to the school district, which declined to answer follow-up questions.
"We cannot comment further on personnel matters," a spokesperson said in an email with follow-up questions.
Ferguson is a lifelong Newton resident who graduated from Newton North High School in 2000 with a scholarship to the University of Southern California. He went on to get his graduate degree at the University of California, Berkeley.
He discussed a few "episodes" that he suffered during his collegiate career in his blog post, which he said included paranoia that "people were following me" and multiple admissions to a mental health facility.
"My defenses were up 24/7 for many of my visits to the inside while manic, because at the end of the day, anybody from burnt-out Ivy leaguers to correctional veterans to anyone in between, can voluntarily admit themselves or be committed," Ferguson wrote.
"In retrospect, while riding the four major manic waves, I must have been actively paranoid and delusional while passively suicidal."
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"I remember telling one of my old shrinks that if I were to somehow, someway get hit by a bus while crossing the street or at the train tracks while scouring the ground for half-smoked cigarettes, I wouldn’t have minded in the least."
He ended the blog post with an admission that suicide "struck me as a good way to go."
Mental health was at the core of a city discussion in Newton on Wednesday night, which angered some community members who abruptly left because they felt city officials and counselors painted Ferguson as the victim when three beloved members of the community were killed in a brutal way.
"I thought they were going to talk more about the safety. I was shocked it was more about mental health and his mental health. They didn't talk about the victims as much as they should've," said a resident named Sharon, who wished to keep her last name anonymous.
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She and her mother were at the meeting for the first hour but left early because it was "senseless" and overly hot with no air conditioning.
"Some people in the area didn't even know what was happening that night," Sharon told Fox News Digital. "A family relative lives a few streets over and didn't know a killer was on the loose, and that wasn't addressed. There should've been a robocall or reverse 911."
"We have a lot of elderly people in our community who don't get their news from social media. There wasn't a safe feeling for a couple of days, and the city didn't address it."
The killings began as a random home invasion, according to authorities, who said Ferguson and the victims have no known connection, which put the city on edge for almost 48 hours until officials announced Ferguson was arrested.
The randomness of the attack in an otherwise peaceful, close and well-to-do community "shocked" the neighborhood, said Jim Sbordone, a former Newton firefighter and a friend of the D'Amore family.
The victims were a loved, church-going family that was interwoven into the community's fabric.
Jill and Bruno were killed a day – maybe hours – before they were scheduled to renew their wedding vows for their 50th anniversary at the Sacred Heart and Our Lady's Collaborative church in Newton, where they were active parishioners and never missed 10 a.m. Sunday Mass.
The parish's pastor, the Rev. Dan Riley, said Monday that they were "salt of the Earth, the greatest people you'd ever meet. … They're going to be horribly missed."
Riley – or Father Dan as he's better known by the community and his parishioners – wrote a tribute for the couple that he shared with Fox News Digital.
"With the sudden deaths of three beloved elderly parishioners over the weekend, we are immensely shocked and saddened," he said. "Our heartfelt sympathy and many prayers go out to the family and friends of these three cherished ones.
"My deepest gratitude for the incredible love and support that the staff, parishioners, neighbors, the police, the counselors and all the government personnel who have been so solicitous, compassionate and helpful have given and continue to give.
"The agony of this tragedy is all too real. God’s love working through you is also real. Likewise, Jesus' resurrection is real.
"This means that, as we deeply, deeply grieve, we do so with the support of each other and with confidence that, in the end, good defeats evil and life conquers death."
